Now let me narrate the story to you.
After two hundred years in power, the most corrupt regime ever in the history of the mystery village was removed from power and a not-too clean political party was elected with the hope of changing the narrative of the village. Indeed the election of Uncle Mr. Soja Man ushered in the dawn of a new era – leakages were blocked, saboteurs sacked, corruption attacked head-on and thieves ran helter skelter to save their lives.
An anti illiteracy campaign was immediately launched to ensure the citizens attain enough knowledge to be able to cause rudeness against the non-dictatorship regime, which was desperate to clean its not-too clean image of the past.
As all of this was happening and in my capacity as Auditor Game Don Babala, I was busy compiling evidence of past, present and even future corruption, because my instinct tells me that corruption will never die in the mystery village.
After my findings, I was faced with a tough choice. I normally release annual audit reports covering January to December. But I noticed that thieves I have captured, named and shamed over thirty years ago, had still not settled their outstanding refunds. And I can’t let them go unpunished. So I have to do something to remind the new regime that their were old thieves with significant amount of money to refund to the village. Also, since this annual report was going to cover the power transition period of which the most corrupt regime was still in power for for the first thirty (30) months of the year and the new not-too clean regime had served for the remaining ninety (90) months in the period to be covered by the annual report, it was going to be tough for the citizens to know who the real thieves of the year were. And it was also going to be impossible for the citizens to know the total amount separately stolen by the new and old regimes.
At the end of it all, I decided to capture the outstanding balances of the old thieves over a very long period of time, in addition to the annual thirty months long looting of the old corrupt regime and the ninety days introductory thievery of the new regime. So what I did was to name and shame the individuals and institutions, indicating what and when they looted the village and calculated all of the present and past looting and announce the grand total figure looted. I was hoping the genius in mathematics will carefully compile the list of past thieves and separate their figures from the list of the new practitioners. For example, I was expecting them to know that the loud mouthed press attache thief of the past regime was not a member of the new regime and I was not expecting them to mix his loot or calculate it as a loot of the new regime. The thousands of dollars he stole in the name of allowances for kids that do not carry his blood was supposed to be calculated in the list of old thieves.
(Press Attache Interrupts)
…But who told you I am a thief? And who told you my family secret that those kids do not carry my blood? Are you a member of my family? Are you my wife? Are you a DNA expert? How would you know that the kids I presented and received allowances on their behalf are not my kids? Are u trying to make me doubt my kids? Do you know the effort I exerted to bring these kids to the world? Do you think my wife will ever cheat on me? Don’t you know I would have divorced the mother of those kids if I had realized that she cheated on me? Or is that why I actually divorced her? What are you trying to say really? Or did I really know that they were not my kids but I needed to make them my kids so I can scoop money from the mystery village? Well let me make this clear to you, as long as I have collected plenty money on behalf of those kids, I hereby fully adopt them as my government kids for better or worse, till death do us part. My new wife will say amen to this.
…I was hearing a very loud noise around but I can’t comprehend what the speaker was saying, so let me move ahead with my testimony.
As I was saying, I also did not expect the mystery citizens to calculate the $500,000 donation loot by that old Embassy to be mixed with the new regime’s loot. But because politics has drained all the great brains in the mystery village, I was not too surprised to see certain mystery citizens claiming the total amount of loot was exclusively undertaken by the new regime.
Now let me analyse the looting of the new regime…
(NEW MONEY SECRETARY INTERRUPTS)
Excuse me Mr Auditor Game Don Babala even before you say anything about us. On behalf of my Rich Money Minister, I hereby announce that we have read the content of your report with keen attention and noted all your concerns and observations in good faith. As a government that prides itself with zero tolerance on corruption, let me assure you that our President, Uncle Mr. Soja Man will promptly act on your findings and rid this government off any corrupt element. So no cause for alarm. We got this fully under our control. I thank you all.
…What a brilliant intervention there by the new regime. Well, since you have assured us that action would be taken, I will not say any further.
However, the way the new and old thieves attacked themselves on the social media during that period to the extent of even branding themselves as ‘AYAMPI’ and ‘SUPER AYAMPI’ forced the neutral thieves to manufacture the adage: TIFF TIFF GOD LAUGH. Story go, story cam